• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Home
  • Infertility/Childfree
  • Travel
  • Lifestyle
  • Disney
  • Contact
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter

new day rising

Living my best nonmom life...sharing my infertility story, my childfree life and all the things in between

The Middle…

April 19, 2020      Leave a Comment

After that initial meeting with our RE, Chad and I had the first of MANY hard talks. Guys, being infertile is EXPENSIVE. Our insurance didn’t cover anything so we were going to be completely out of pocket for whatever we decided to do.  We both agreed we needed to agree on a stopping point.  Chad knows me well enough to know that I would have tried forever to have a baby, even if it meant going crazy and broke. I NEEDED an end point so we agreed that we would pursue IUI’s (intrauterine inseminations) and if they did not work, we were done. We decided to do 4 IUI’s and that was it.  Being so naïve and the overachiever that I am, I figured we would only need one shot.

OH HOW I WAS WRONG.

IUI #1

September 2017

This was a pretty standard IUI. Ovary scan on CD3 and then I took 5 mg letrozole CD3-7. I had 2 follicles…one on each ovary measuring 1 mm and 17 mm. Ovidrel trigger shot and then IUI 36 hours later. It was standard protocol but this was all happening during a HURRICANE. Chad was on the ride out crew at the hospital and we weren’t even sure he was going to be home in time!! My protocol said to have intercourse the night of the trigger shot…hard to do when your husband isn’t home! Turns out he was home before the IUI and it went as planned. What I remember most about this day is having sperm in my purse and how hopeful I was. I just KNEW it was going to work….oh how I was wrong. I was placed on progesterone suppositories after the IUI and let me tell you, those made me feel like garbage. And the side effects mimic pregnancy. Not the best thing for a symptom spotter! I tested 13dpIUI (13 days post IUI) and got a BFN. I was devastated. But I was ready to jump right into the next cycle.

Medicated Cycle #1

October 2017

We had plans in October to head to DC to see our favorite band (Foo Fighters!) and we would be out of town when an IUI would happen so we decided to just do a medicated cycle and timed intercourse. No real monitoring so I didn’t have high hopes. Another BFN.

IUI #2

November 2017

My period showed up in the beginning of the month and my ovary scan looked good so we were onto IUI #2. Same protocol as September. CD 11 follicle scan showed two follicles on my right ovary (which turned out to be my dominant ovary) measuring 10mm and 18mm. I triggered 2 days later and had IUI #2 on November 16. Progesterone suppositories started again. I was so bloated and crampy this cycle, I was so sure this one had worked. Took at test 14dpIUI and it was another BFN. Heartbroken and confused. But ready to try again. This was cycle of hope and heartbreak I got used to.

My birthday is in December and we decided to take a much needed break. I researched supplements and started acupuncture. We also took a trip to Savannah, GA to celebrate and get away! Once we returned, I decided that I needed more time before we started treatments again. We kept trying using OPK’s and lots of timed intercourse. The break from the doctor felt so nice. I was doing acupuncture 1-2 times a week and loved it.

Medicated/Monitored Cycle

March 2018

Same protocol but we increased my letrozole from 5mg to 7.5mg CD3-7. I ended up with 16.7mm and 17.6 mm follicles on my right ovary (and a cyst AGAIN). This cycle stands out because I did my trigger shot in the bathroom at Epcot (we live in Orlando and frequent the Disney parks) and I storied the whole thing on my private ttc Instagram LOL. My symptoms were the same as the other IUI’s…fatigue, nausea, and overalls sense of grossness. Another BFN 13dpIUI. This month brought feelings of brokeness and bitterness. And lots of tears.

We were headed to Memphis for our anniversary and to see Foo Fighters (again…do you see a pattern??) so May was just a medicated cycle.

IUI #3

May/June 2017

All was well during my ovary check except the cyst but it had not grown so we were cleared to start meds. This is the cycle we added injectables. I did 7.5mg letrozole CD3-4 and 2 days of GonalF injections. My follicles measured 16mm and 12mm on the right obv. Trigger shot and progesteron, per the usual. This was a weird IUI as Chad has to work the night before so he dropped his stuff off in the morning and then I went in a few hours later for the IUI. It was strange to do it alone. Same symptoms after. Same outcome. BIG FAT NEGATIVE. I was heartbroken,hurt, sad and numb. I was so hopeful too. We had one more IUI to go before we stopped.

Cancelled Cycle

June 2017

UGH. This one is a hard one to talk about. Same protocol as before with letrozole and GonalF. After 5 days of letrozole and 2 days of GonalF, I had ONE, yes, ONE teeny tiny follicle. I was devastated. Broken. I cried in my car on the way home. I cried when I got home. I cried in the shower. I cried when I got into bed. It was the lowest I had ever felt. It was horrible. My RE advised 2 more days of GonalF and a recheck but I called them and asked to scrap the cycle. She agreed and I pushed to start birth control again int he hopes of shrinking the cysts that were potentially eating up the meds I was taking! So it was onto birth control for 2 months….it was during this time I realized that I was *this* close to being done with all of it. But we could afford one more IUI…..

big fat negative
Just ONE of the 128437 negative pregnancy tests I took

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Sharing my story of infertility and why we decided to walk away from treatments without a baby and how I am rocking my childfree life!

Pinterest

Subscribe

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Twitter

My Tweets

Blog Archive

Categories

It’s World Childless Week and also another remin It’s World Childless Week and also another reminder that just because things don’t go as planned with having children, doesn’t mean that you still can’t be, find, or create your own happiness!

While our infertility journey was shorter than others, it still came with the same heartache. I have worked really hard to over come the negative feelings regarding our childfree life.

Is every day easy? No.
Do I still think about the what ifs? Of course.
Am I happy and content with my life? ABSOLUTELY.

I was chatting with a friend last night about all of this and we realized just how much we had been through and fought through to get where we are with our lives.

And we may be childfree NOT by choice, but we ARE CHOOSING to happily live that life.

We don’t need your pity or your opinions on what we could have/should have done. 

We just want to be seen. And heard. And for people to realize that just because we went on this journey and never got a baby, doesn’t mean we are bitter and sad about our lives.

Our lives are just a fulfilled as those who do have children. Just in a different way.

And I wouldn’t change it for anything.

#worldchildlessweek #childfreenotbychoice #embracingchildless #CNBC #infertilitysucks #endowarrior #hystersister #posthysterectomy #fuckendo #infertileaf #childfreelifestyle #childfreecouple #worldchildlessweek2023 #happylifestyle #dink #dinklife #twonursesarebetterthenone
✨august slipped away into a moment in time✨ K ✨august slipped away into a moment in time✨

Kicked it off with fireworks at Magic Kingdom. 

Moved onto @dashboardconfessional and @countingcrows 

Drove up to Myrtle Beach to visit the fam. And a quick stop in Savannah to have dinner @husksavannah.

Wrapped up with @interpol and @smashingpumpkins

What a month of randomness and so much fun. Thankful for a life that allows us to do some much 💜

Ready for a spooky season 👻🎃💀

#childfreeafterinfertility #childfreenotbychoice #childfreelife #childfreenotchildless #embracingchildless #nursesnightout #magickingom #disneydatenight #myrtlebeach #savannah #roadtrips #midlforidaamphitheatre #livemusic #90skidsforever #augustslippedaway
💜Remember this moment💜 It's taken me a week 💜Remember this moment💜

It's taken me a week to finally post from the most EPIC night.

We took the time off.
We booked our hotel.
We booked the rental car.
We booked the flight.
But never had tickets... until Friday afternoon.

Then we spent the night with Taylor Swift. 

I tried some speciality cocktails, we traded friendship bracelets, sang the bridge to Cruel Summer, got a new Enchanted dress and LONG LIVE, watched TS do some witchy shit, got up I'm my feels during ATW, Chad had his moment during 22, watched the world premiere of the I Can See You music video, and vibed in the Midnights Era.

It was the perfect night.

#theerastour #erastourkc #erastourkansascity #erastourkcnight1 #arrowheadstadium #taylorswifterastour #kansascitymo #alltoowell #taylorsversion #speaknowtaylorsversion #feeling22 #cruelsummer #midnightsera #childfreeafterinfertility #childfreenotbychoice #embracingchildless #swiftiehusband #swiftie4life #datenighttaylorsversion
4,383 days. 626 weeks. 12 years. Countless laughs 4,383 days.
626 weeks.
12 years.

Countless laughs. Numerous margaritas.
Too many adventures to count.

Just me and you.

Happy Date-versary!!

#dateversary #12years #fourseasonsorlando #capa #fsorlando #childfreenotbychoice #embracingchildlessness #hesmybestfriend #sundayfundays #manymargaritas #alwayslaughing #loveandmarriage #forthefamily #myfavoriteperson #learningtowalkagain #twahotel #epcotcenter #familyof2
It started out with a kiss… #jupiterflorida #qu It started out with a kiss…

#jupiterflorida #quigleytothealtar #callowwedding #mrbrightside #weddingdays #embracingchildlessness #childfreeafterinfertility #hesmybestfriend #callowcousins
✨Lucky #7✨ Happy Anniversary to my partner an ✨Lucky #7✨

Happy Anniversary to my partner and best friend. Life with you is never boring.

Cheers to us 🥂

#luckynumber7 #7thweddinganniversary #orlandowedding #downtownorlando #churchstreetstation #orlandobride #orlandowedding #embracingchildlessness #childfreeafterinfertility #childfreenotbychoice #loveandmarriage #hesmyfavorite
While this may be the start of National Infertilit While this may be the start of National Infertility Awareness Week and you will see a ton of positive “never give up” and “I got my miracle” posts, I hope my “we never got our baby and I am happy” post finds its way to some people’s feed!

It’s still a weird week because my life now is not the same life I lived during infertility. 

I am not the same person I was then. 

Then, I never dreamed that we would be childfree not by choice. Now, it’s hard to imagine children fitting into our life.

Then, I stressed about every little detail of my life because it revolves around doctors appointments, ultrasounds, medications and sex. Now, I stress about what to pack on vacation and when our next date night will be.

I remember how I felt during those years and what a dark place it was for me….the sadness, the anger. And I also remember making the decision to have my hysterectomy..and I felt peace and calm.

Life is wild.

So, I’m just here to remind all those in the midst of infertility, IT’S OK to walk away. It’s ok to end your journey without a baby. It’s ok to to not be ok. 

It will take time. There will be tears. 

BUT you will be ok. 

There’s still a whole lot of amazingness out there in a life without children.

If you can’t find it, create it. 

#NIAW #NIAW2023 #voicesofinfertility #useyourvoice #childfreenotbychoice #childlessnotbychoice #embracingchildless #CNBC #infertilitysucks #endowarrior #endometriosis #infertilityawareness #hysterectomy #hystersister #childfreecouple #wedowhatwewant #dinklife #createit #childlesswomen #childfreeforlife #twahotel
Honor who you are. Honor where you have been. Hono Honor who you are.
Honor where you have been.
Honor where you are going.
Honor where you are now.

These are the things I took away from spending two mornings with @rossrayburnyoga at PSNY.

When we planned this trip, a class in studio was on top of the list. Tbh I was a little disappointed that I did not get into a cycling class but the universe knew what I needed…

Some slow flow yoga and reflection. 

I am 3 month post hysterectomy and while I feel better in so many ways, I am still struggling my post hyster body. 

But a best friend reminded me to give myself some grace and to continue to do things that make me feel good…then the rest will come. @keep_going_katie always coming through with the highest vibrations.

I am so glad I took the yoga classes. The energy and the messages were just what I needed…even though I didn’t know it.
✨Always✨ First day in NYC was full of magic. ✨Always✨

First day in NYC was full of magic. 

The Harry Potter store and then The Cursed Child.

The visuals and effects of the play were incredible! So glad I got to see it!

#theGsgotoNY #harrypotterstore #harrypotterstorenyc #harrypotterandtgecursedchild #lyrictheatre #voldemortday #albusseveruspotter #scorpiusmalfoy #afterallthistime #newyorkcitylife #nyc
Babes who brunch 🥂 First week on PACU ended wi Babes who brunch 🥂

First week on PACU ended with brunch at @outpostkbp with these babes!! Starting on a new unit can be overwhelming and scary but these people have made it feel like home!

Copyright © 2023 · EmeryTP on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

 

Loading Comments...